Ship-O-Matic
by OverlordMiles
Summary: A collection of random Homestuck ships. These ships are either logical or make no sense at all. What strange couples will form? Only luck can tell. (Ships will somewhat follow a storyline.)
1. The Humans Arrive

Well, this is the first installment of the **SHIPOMATIC. **The shipomatic is a simple system that I use to pick random Homestuck couples including the Beta Kids and the 12 trolls of the zodiac. If you are interested in the system, PM me with your email. Shipomatic couples can be cute, romantic, confusing, or utterly disgusting. It all depends on, well, luck. These are quick 1000-3000 word stories that will, upon request from multiple readers, be potentially extended. And remember, these couples are RANDOM, so don't give suggestions to what they will be.

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><p>EB: so we should finally land on alternia tomorrow<br>CG: IM NOT REALLY SURE HOW TO FEEL.  
>CG: YOU GUYS ARE NICE AND ALL<br>CG: BUT OBVIOUSLY INFERIOR  
>EB: haha, nice one karkat.<br>CG: *HUMAN FACEPALM*  
>EB: now see you tomorrow<br>CG: MEH.

John closed his computer and returned into reality. The ship was relatively small, but had two bunkbeds. Dave and John shared, while Rose and Jade shared the other. It wasn't exactly the most comfortable living situation, but it worked. Dave was drawing (probably comics) while Jade giggled at them while Rose was sitting on the top bunk and was knitting a scarf. _At least she doesn't use those things just for killing people._ John sighed and wandered to the screening room. He searched through the disks until he found National Treasure and decided to watch that.

Karkat exited his computer and noticed that everyone was doing their regular stuff. Nepeta was leaping around, Equius was tinkering with something in the corner while Feferi was watching interestedly. Terezi was wrestling with Vriska. Karkat exited his seat and announced to the others, "The humans are coming tomorrow." Everyone seemed neutral except for Nepeta who jumped up and down and Feferi who gave a smile and clapped her hands. "Please relay the message to anyone who is not here."

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><p>The next day, everyone was gathered outside the building except for Gamzee, who was somewhere where nobody would know. A bit past noon, a spaceship appeared in the distance. Tavros pointed and said, "It's them!" The ship slowed, and then started to slowly descend. John turned the landing gears on and then hit the ground. The four inside the ship anxiously exited and waved. They then greeted the trolls. Karkat already knew three of them, but one of them he had not seen before. He walked up to her. "Hello, I'm Karkat. I assume one of your friends has told you about me?" The woman chuckled.<p>

"I'm Rose. Rose Lalonde. And yes, I have heard about you. Apparently, you have a tendency to get loud occasionally." Karkat shrugged. "I can't deny that." Karkat and the others led them on a tour of their collective rooms on the meteor. "Where are we going to stay?" John asked. "You didn't plan for that, did you Mr. Leader?" Vriska chuckled. "Shut up, Vriska." Karkat rolled his eyes. "Anyone want to quarter any of the humans?" Kanaya rose her hand. "I'll sleep on the couch, so Rose can have my room." Karkat replied with, "Are you sure?" Kanaya nodded. "We're already friends on PesterChum, so I'm fine giving my room for her until we build an expansion." Rose smiled. "Thanks Kanaya! That's so sweet!"

Dave was to stay with Equius, Jade with Nepeta, and John with Tavros. There was still another problem though. What would the humans eat? Human and troll diets were definitely on other sides of the spectrum. After everyone had settled down, Karkat asked John about the situation. "Well, we have provisions, but we'll need to make a farm. We have seeds and we'll just need to plant them." Karkat nodded. _Phew. That could've been a big problem. _The group learned more about each other when they ate dinner together. After that, it was getting dark, so everyone either went to their rooms or stayed out to watch TV. Karkat sat on the couch with Sollux, Tavros, and John. Instead of engaging in their conversation, however, he thought about the earlier day. John sat their fascinated by the program on TV while Tavros explained what else was on. The one thing Karkat thought about was that other human. What was her name again, Rose? Yeah, Rose.

Eventually, at 10:30, Karkat got tired and went to bed. _Today was a long day..._ Karkat thought to himself. He set his alarm to 8:00 so he could sleep in, which was late considering he always woke up between 5 and 6 in the morning. (No wonder he was so crabby.) Karkat fell asleep quickly because he was exhausted from the day.

His sleep was interrupted around 2 in the morning. He woke to soft crying. Karkat looked at the clock. URGH. He silently wished it would stop, but to no avail. In fact, the crying turned into a moderately loud whimper. It was coming from Kanaya's room. He reluctantly climbed out of bed and walked to Kanaya's room. He slowly opened the door, making sure not to wake her. Instead of Kanaya though, he saw a human sleeping in her bed? Oh right. It was that Rose human. Her face was wet and she was almost choking on her tears. Karkat sighed and started to wipe the tears off her face. When he pulled his arm back, he felt it being clutched. He looked at Rose's sleeping form and her eyes were still shut. _She must be sleep grabbing or something. Humans still have weird habits. _When he went to jerk his arm away, Rose hugged it and pulled it back. She started crying even harder. "Shhh shhhh shhh shhhhhhhh..." Her crying slowly lowered until there was no more.

Karkat then sat down on the bed next to Rose. "It's okay..." he said, reassuring her the best he could. He was probably failing because he knew little to nothing about human culture. It didn't seem to matter though. Rose was still asleep, and showed no signs of waking. Karkat tried to leave, but Rose pulled him back down until her arms were completely around his waist. He was over Rose is a very awkward position. _Crap, crap, crap..._ Karkat didn't dare move though, in fear of waking her. So he laid there. Silently, making sure not to move. Karkat didn't even notice himself fall asleep.

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><p>Karkat woke up, only to realize that he wasn't in his room. The events from last night flashed back into his mind. He groaned. Karkat tapped Rose. When she didn't wake up, he wiggled around. This time, she opened her eyes. "Wha-" she said. "Now let me explain this. I heard crying at 2 in the morning, realized it was you, tried to calm you down, you did, tried to leave, you grabbed my arm, reassured you, tried to leave again, and I didn't want to wake you, so this happened."<p>

Rose nodded. "I'm sorry." Karkat replied with, "It's fine. What happened anyway? You were crying for a good 30 minutes..." Rose started to sniffle. "Never mind. If you don't want to talk about it, that' completely reasonable. I shouldn't pry for your personal information..." Rose shook her head. She murmured, "You deserve an explanation. It all started 7 years ago..."

_Rain was pouring down as Rose walked home from school with her dad. After waiting a few seconds, the walk light turned on, and the two walked across the street. Rose's father dropped something. Rose had reached the other side, and turned around to see her dad power-walking towards her. Suddenly, a car, going at least 60 miles per hour, tried to do a 90 degree turn but slammed sideways into Rose's dad. Rose watched her father fly 30 feet before hitting the ground and rolling. The person in the car got out and ran. A pedestrian called 9-1-1. Later, your mother found you and picked you up. Rose remembered periodically going to the hospital. Then she found out that her father was dead._

Then, Rose cried even more and more. Karkat didn't know what to do. There was only one thing.

He performed the human action known as the 'hug'.

Rose cried into his shoulder and held on to him tight. He held the hug half because he wanted to be a good friend and the other half because he wanted it to be more than that. He was reluctant to admit it, but he had red feelings for the human girl. Karkat? The fearless and strong leader of the trolls, falling for a sniveling mess? And worst of all, it was a human? Karkat couldn't deny it though.

Once Rose had stopped crying, the two sat down on Kanaya's bed. "Thanks for everything. Generally I'm not like this, but lately I've been having nightmares. I didn't realize I was crying in my sleep though." Karkat nodded. "Everyone has their ups and downs." For a while the two sat there, enjoying each others' presence. Finally, Karkat broke the silence. "Look, I know we just met, and I'm troll, and you're human, but even then I want to ask you-will you be my matesprit?" Rose questioned, "That's the human equivalent of boyfriend or girlfriend, right?" Karkat nodded, waiting nervously for an answer. "Yes!" And with that, their love started and only blossomed from there.


	2. Building the Expansion

**Oh gosh. This one might be a bit graphic. If you want to skip this chapter, I will not be surprised. **

***Sollux has a lisp, so uthe=use and uth=us. **

**Should I make Tavros have perfectly functional legs, give him a wheelchair, or have the robot legs? **

The next day, everyone gathered in the kitchen for breakfast (grubfast, as the trolls called it). Everyone talked and considered the expansion. It would have to have four more rooms to their currently existing structure. Equius would be in charge of construction because he could lift anything needed. After Sollux suggested they just expand their hallway, Karkat agreed and the job was officially in action. Equius then stated that doing everything alone would take forever, but assured them he could to the job solo, but needed people to nail stuff in. "I'll help." John said. "I'm going to be living in it, so I should contribute in some way or another." After this, Dave and Jade happily agreed to join. Rose just murmured, "Didn't get enough sleep last night. I'll help tomorrow..." No one seemed to object. No one wanted Rose to fall off of something because she was groggy. Especially Karkat. No one else knew that though. Everyone then agreed to help except for Tavros, who was scared of heights, and Terezi, because she was blind and would probably nail herself.

"Ok, we're going to get some resources. Everyone is required to come. Get off your lazy butts and come to the front door." Karkat commanded. Kanaya looked concerned. "Even Rose? I've heard humans can catch sicknesses if they don't get enough sleep." Any other time, Karkat would object, but he sighed and said, "Fine, we don't have time for arguing. Everyone besides Rose report to the front door." In a 10 minute interval, everyone was at the door. "Sheesh, you guys are terrible at punctuality. That took you 10 minutes!" Karkat sighed. "Whatever. Let's get a move on."

The males, led by Karkat, were decided to go mining. "Whatever. If the women want the logs, then so be it. They just can't handle REAL work." Aradia scoffed. "Whatever. Let's go logging." The seven women chopped down logs one by one and moved them into a pile at the edge of the forest. Jade felt kind of left out, considering she was the only human around 6 trolls. Luckily, Nepeta and Feferi started a conversation with her, and soon enough she was laughing along with the trolls with all of their jokes.

The men sat in the mining, endlessly pounding the rock. They were getting some progress, but still had not accomplished very much. "I hit something!" Tavros exclaimed, pointing at some ores in the wall. The pieces were... glowing? Tavros cut them out as carefully as possible. Karkat came over. "Can I keep them?" Sollux came in and said, "I doubt they'll be in any uthe to uth anyway..."*** **Karkat looked at the object. "I guess. I don't see why not," Karkat shrugged. Tavros happily thought to himself, _This is great! For some reason, Karkat is being a lot more reasonable than usual. Maybe it's the humans? _Tavros put the ores in one of his pockets and continued hitting the rock. Nothing else really happened expect for many wheelbarrows of rock and some iron.

Everyone met up and walked back to the hive to initiate construction. There wasn't exactly a blue print, considering everyone had already designed their own houses before they all moved in together, in which they built a building yet again. The point here is, simply, the trolls are architects. After everyone collaborated to make the rocks into concrete and the wood into planks, Equius brought everything to the soon-to-be expansion and started making a frame. He, using rope, pulled it up into place and rooted it into the ground. Then everyone came to help nail. Once the base was done, people started to climb higher to nail in. Karkat noticed Vriska climbing higher than everyone else. "Hey Vriska! You're not supposed to go that high." Karkat couldn't see it, but Vriska rolled her eyes. "I'm just fine up here Mister Crabbypants!" Karkat got slightly irritated. "Suit yourself if you fall off!" He yelled. Vriska chuckled.

Vriska hammered some nails when Kanaya walked up to Karkat. "Is she-" Karkat nodded. "Yep, being a reckless imbecile. As usual. Nothing new." Kanaya nodded. "She's going to kill herself one day." Karkat chuckled. "No doubt about that." Once Vriska was done hammering in the nails, she started to scale down. "See Karkles, I'm f-" Vriska's grip slipped and she started to plunge to the earth below. "You were riiiiiiighhhhtttt!" she yelled as she fell down. Kanaya ran towards her and Vriska tackled her to the ground. They were both out cold.

After a few seconds, all of the trolls had gathered in a circle around the two trolls on the ground. Sollux joked, "What ith thith? An intenth makeout sethion?" No one really found his joke funny. "C'mon guith, that wath good, right?" he said, sticking his hand out. After no one high-fived him, he slapped his own hand. "I can alwayth count on me to be a good thport." The group then carried the two into their temporary infirmary where the injuries were treated. "Well, she they both have a few broken ribs. But surprisingly, other than that, there's nothing but cuts and bruises." Eridan said, being the temporary doctor. Everyone sighed with relief. "They should be in here for two weeks minimum. No one is to come in unless needed, we don't want to disturb them.

Once everyone left, a very mischievous troll snuck into the room. He carefully picked Vriska up and put her back onto Kanaya, the position they were on before. Except, this time, he connected their lips. With a chuckle, the purple-hooded troll snuck out of the room with a wide grin on his face. _tHiS iS gOiNg To Be HiLaRiOuS..._


End file.
